goodbye ,

2011-10-10T02:10:00.001-07:00

why have i become like this?

2011-08-16T06:03:00.000-07:00

I find difficulty breathing now. Physically. Wondering why is everything going wrong? It's so unlike me . To panic so much for studies and even giving up time for it. Like real precious time. And it sucks.

Words that unable to be expressed

2011-03-31T02:40:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be there for you like how you were to me.
Seeing all the tweets and everything, it breaks me inside.

2011-03-27T02:20:00.000-07:00

So super xinku
I really dont know what to do .
Will it be awkward if i go?

2011-03-25T04:23:00.000-07:00

Slept from 3 till now, thought was able to escape reality but still , can't force myself to sleep anymore. Don't feel like going out , or rather, i don't even feel like doing anything.
Can you believe it? I went home straight for a week. Might not seem like a big deal for jc students but anyway i'm not those typical ones who go to school and go home everyday. I usually go home at 10/11 sometimes 12/1 . But now.. life seems to be taking all these away.
Still reminded but what i've done. But worst is not being able to talk to you and wondering if our friendship will get any damage anywhere , wondering if there would any be scars left. But only thing i do now every night is to pray and hope things will be alright. I miss you so much.
Now, i'm still thinking bout if i should go drink tonight.
i can't believe whats working in my mind.
.

ultimate regret

2011-03-23T05:38:00.001-07:00

Ultimate regret
everything is so screwed up now.

2011-03-21T10:38:00.000-07:00

I feel sad.
I'm sorry.

2011-03-21T06:47:00.000-07:00

heartache.

2011-03-18T08:04:00.001-07:00

Why am i different from others?
Why do you have to be like others?

2011-03-18T07:45:00.001-07:00

I didn't do it on purpose, i didn't do it on purpose.
I really regret everythin' so much . Sometimes , a slip of the tongue can just kill.
I feel like going back and rewriting everything too . But i can't.
Why did i say that in the first place?
I didn't mean it
Why did i acknowledge it?
I should have just nod and say ok
Now i'm suffering from double guilt. I can't do it alone , but i just have to .
losing one after another, sometimes i need someone to rely on .
I ain't that strong a person.

2011-03-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

Think before talking.

then you wont have to suffer in guilt like this. i hate this feeling, i feel so super suffocated i feel like dying.

2011-03-15T21:01:00.000-07:00

Ever had the feeling of wanting to know a person so much so much ?

Almost coming to a year and i still can't forget the big wide smile and the simple hi.

Going to be in chalet for 3 days , update when im back , ciao!

2011-03-14T21:57:00.001-07:00

SO PRETTY!!

Really got alot to catch up on my work . 5/50 for maths. How awesome. And i'm going for chalet tomorrow . Going to be a busy week ahead but Praise God, i'm having an awesome time.

Once school reopen in March , i'm going to have new goals. And complete them. Learning to be positive too.

Devoting every saturday for church .

Still , i'm feeling so intimidated. Want to join church's dance ministry so badly , but .. without any dance background makes it extremely hard. Confidence aspect zero . What to do .

Going to save up right now and await for JUNE HOLIDAYS :D

Promise to go haji lane and get all my tops / bottoms and also ^
^^^^ DREAM SHOE .

<3>

2011-03-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

Don't know since when blogging become something that i do whenever i feel down.
Being in Jc is just so draining . Everything is so hard, it's so hard to keep in contact who means alot to you , it's hard to even think about the stuffs happening in your life, things pass so fast and its becoming so hard to really be yourself.
Still thinking if i should enter the dance ministry , but somehow i feel like i cannot make it.
So many things on my mind . But think what's most important is to seek for God in my life now.

Bintan tomorrow, hope everything's gonna be okay .
Even i myself don't know why i want to get to know you so much

2011-03-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

G12 for 4 days. Though i've only went for two days, i was blessed.

Our God, he's the God of the broken-hearted.

I don't know how to explain how i feel , but God, i promise to walk back to you.

Keep my eyes on only you Jesus and faith in you Lord.

I really hope im ready now. Still struggling with my old self...

2011-03-02T09:13:00.001-08:00

Almost cried reading Shili's letter last night .
Anyway Jc's life is really monotone, everyday you'll wake up dreading the endless amount of lectures/tutorials topped up with homework , as if the lectures are not enough to make us suffer and then you go home feeling super tired you have to take a nap , and then forcing yourself to wake up because there's assignments due and graded . My god, i only finished econs, GP test tomorrow and i haven't even did my research. But i'm just too tired to care even a single bit for it.
I'm so tired, i need my time to think bout things, I'm so tired honestly, it's to my limit.
Sometimes , i want someone to talk to , someone to hug me and tell me everything's going to be alright, times like this ~~i miss you the most~~ ,

Life goes on. G12 , please please do something bout my life.

I love my friends.

2011-02-27T04:43:00.000-08:00

School'll be starting in less than 15 hours. And follows a tiring week yet again.
Should be happy cause OG's meeting on sat night for night cycling. Pretty awesome that we're still connected in one way or another (;
Finally CVD's over. Just imagine a big rock you're carrying being taken away from you. That's what i feel - Relaxed , relaxed, relaxed.
Went out with buddy today , really hope i won't this good friend too.
ciao.

2011-02-25T07:44:00.000-08:00

YJC bazaar tomorrow , wonder how would it be like.

*Cross fingers* Profits please.

Did i ever mention how much i hate being the in charge of something?

I can't be a leader, I don't have the qualities to be one and i'm so muddleheaded.

Above all , i really hate being the in charge because

it somehow make friendships abit unstable.

Back to yesterday , almost got forced to eat at cafe cartel again cause all the shops all closed .

But in the end still went back to Yishun for Nasi Lemak,

Just before sleeeping , i want to say a big thank you to LOK WEI FUN.

I know you'll see this and i want you to see this.

Thanks for everything you've done for me , rushing here and there, and forever being there.

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

True friends are hard to find , difficult to leave and impossible to forget.

Really hope everything will be alright.

On second note, i really miss you beetches , even up till now.

I love you all.

2011-02-22T07:20:00.000-08:00

^ Nice people whom i'll always keep close to the heart.

Sometimes i'm so afraid we won't be as close anymore.

Cherish , cherish , cherish.

I miss the night study sessions so much .

2011-02-20T08:26:00.000-08:00

I don't feel love. At all.

So hard to breathe, so hard to act like i'm not affected.

Goodnight.

2011-02-20T07:05:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i wonder if it's only me who feel close to you all, or isit only me

I wonder how am I like in your minds, and it suddenly strucked me that im thinking bout you guys so much , and sometimes it scares me out a little . Like what i've said, i don't even know how i grew so attached to you all , but i am and i miss you all .

2011-02-19T08:17:00.000-08:00

you used to be.

Never thought i would come back to blogging again , but somehow, its the only resort when it hurts inside, and somehow , when you just don't feel like opening your mouth to tell someone about how you're feeling. Maybe when you quarrelled with someone dear to you who used to listen to all your problems.

Didn't know seeing you that day could bring back so much memories, dreams that kept bringing back how i felt at that point of time, songs that accompanied through those darkest times, never thought i would feel it again. Sometimes, i just feel like telling people about you, but somehow after so long, i think it's only right if i've moved on and left you behind.

Life's okay , but i miss them so much. So afraid of being forgotten at times that i can't really fall asleep at night. I dont know why am i feeling this way either, maybe there's just something wrong about me.

2011-02-16T07:09:00.000-08:00

I never knew I will ever grow this attached to people from work,

sometimes it hurts just to feel that things might not be the same anymore and most of us going separate ways , but i know i'm gonna hold on to every single friendship tightly, because they really occupy so much of my heart now.

I love you all .

2011-02-14T07:36:00.000-08:00

Love this song so much .
I will learn the guitar version i swear.
& I'll learn the guitar version of christian songs.

Mixed emotions all over last night. That's what a friend to you means? A bestfriend?
Sincerity is felt with the heart. What's the point when it's just empty words?
I really miss you and the three others. But I really don't know what to do.

2011-01-12T20:22:00.000-08:00

took my hand, had a quarter of my heart , suddenly everything screwed .

Going to stop working in another 3 weeks. Yeah , you said you'll miss me when i'm gone.
But seems like things are so awkward between us .

Nope,
I'm not going to get affected by guys again .

2011-01-04T06:54:00.002-08:00

I like working. It takes my mind off most of the stuffs i hide from.
Hey bestfriend, are you sure i'm your best?
or it's just what you say i am. I never stopped thinking bout you since the 16th .
You? Ego? So what about mine?
I'm still waiting.

2011-01-04T06:54:00.001-08:00

After so long , i feel like i'm ready to love again.

The Script - Dead Man Walking with Lyrics

2010-12-21T06:32:00.000-08:00

2010-12-10T05:57:00.001-08:00

Ever had that feeling of guilt after not able to contain everything and telling them to someone?

I'm worried and most of all wanting to know what went wrong between us.
From that day till now, i never stopped thinking you know. Even being at work.

2010-12-01T06:42:00.000-08:00

There's a mixture of guilt and lots of unspoken stuffs in my heart, it's suffocating, but i've got to learn not to care , isn't it.

2010-11-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

I told you once if you still remember, someone loves you for who you are not for who you are not. Be yourself and never try too hard. Hold on and be happy. That's my wish for you.

2010-11-18T06:53:00.000-08:00

I miss church .
Shall go on saturday , i miss those nights along upper thomsom.
i hope i won't waiver when i see u tomorrow. Goodnight
I love today,
It was awesome.
But i miss some people so bad.

2010-11-16T07:46:00.001-08:00

This feels so unlike me.

2010-11-16T07:42:00.000-08:00

when she sung , that kind of pain is only felt by those who experienced it .
Harsh words . But beneath it was nothing but a broken heart.

2010-11-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

I always thought that i'll feel better as time goes on.

Going to be at orchard with Shili today :)

2010-11-14T04:01:00.000-08:00

I don't like being at home.

I hate it when no one is around . That's when i'll start thinking about so many things that happened. I felt that this year was better than last year although i fell real hard this year.
But it taught me so much more. And yeah. I don't know if i'll ever be able to love someone as much again. Life's like normal everyday. I feel like a dead zombie just walking around , following whatever people do , then go home , get scolded and go to sleep. Before i sleep i will be thinking so much then sometimes start to blame myself for everything that happened. And the other day i'll quickly go tumblr to find some inspirational quotes to make myself feel better. Go online to watch America next top model . Feeling abit worried about olvl results but whatever it is , i deserved it , i chose this path and shouldn't regret what that can't be changed. The way i handled , it was wrong and probably that's why things turn out this way.
I will never forget the happy-days at starbucks . I'll just run around with my pink-striped socks and two oversized jackets on me and start chasing people around and talk to K's friends and i got to know some of them . Days like that were fun . Starbucks was our second home and everything went alright.
I won't forget night-study either. With shili and people who always had a way to make me happy and forget those stuffs and who always understood my difficulties. They know when i'm sad and i always end up smiling at the end of the day. I love them.
And of course, not forgetting my home. And the people whom i think i have let down and are not as close as before to me anymore. It was my fault and not theirs and i just failed to do my part as a good friend. I think of them now and then , but maybe things changed. It hurts to see all those statuses but i know i was the one who caused it. I regret for raising my voice too. How could i? To those that came down to just accompany me until i stopped crying and stood by me?
No , i just didn't know how to start talking and since this blog isn't visited already, i think its best to just write it all here.

It's weird after quarrelling with one of your best-est friend. It feels a little awkward knowing that who you are hanging out with actually knows about it.

Still having feelings for that person is different from missing that person

2010-10-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

Do my best and let God do the rest. One month of studying and 9 months without work. It won't get you any good results. But at least I've learnt so much more in this year. At least I've worked hard for the last one month. Now I can only hope in God to set things right

2010-10-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

Trauma . I don't want things to change again. If I can , I choose to be a robot. Then I wouldn't have to hide my feelings or love someone again.

2010-10-29T09:58:00.000-07:00

I know I've not blogged about you at all since then, but now that I am , it's because I finally got over you after so long.

2010-09-05T08:30:00.000-07:00

So many things have happened in this few months
There's so much things left unsaid in my heart and i wonder if i will ever have the chance to say it out. But as i grow up , i've learnt that any form of explanation will be only deemed as defending yourself and it's best if you say nothing at all.

" One day , i believe the world is fair.
what goes around comes around "

2010-06-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

Different.
We mature as we grow.

2010-06-16T08:39:00.000-07:00

:)
whats yours will be yours.

2010-05-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

So i had the camp briefing today and i kind of feel reluctant about going just now.
Qiuru , Singyuen and I will be in the same room . That's a good news.
But i can't help but to hope Nicole , Pearly and Clarrisa were with us too..
Cell's leader leaving right after the camp for 1 month .
Wonder how it is going to be like after the 1 month.
And maybe after the 1 month , all of us would learn to treasure her more.

3 days minus tomorrow.
Now i really feel reluctant about going

2010-04-27T08:11:00.000-07:00

Doesn't a wrong step deserve a second chance?

It just takes years to build , and a moment to tear.

Can't believe im saying this. But i miss 2009.

2010-04-07T08:21:00.000-07:00

God wants u to know...
... that no matter how good you try to be to others, you will occasionally hurt them. Forgive yourself for it. The same will happen with them. Forgive them for it.

Tomorrow i will study . tomorrow. But i just don't have the motivation.
There's tution to start off tomorrow .
And friday starts . Jiayou .

2010-03-26T22:09:00.001-07:00

I miss the past so much .

2010-03-24T06:49:00.000-07:00

running out of time very very soon
I don't want to regret , for studies , for friendships and for my relationship . And i promise to start studying tomorrow and put in my best for every single thing.

Endure, its going to be over in 6 more months.

2010-03-21T04:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the end of G12 conference.
During these 3 days , alot alot of things were running through my mind.
Some confused me . Some comforted me.
I really don't know how to explain that kind of feeling.
At first wanted to know the whole of Youthnet.
But...

School starts tomorrow.

BE OF COURAGE !!

2010-03-19T09:13:00.001-07:00

G12 will be ending in 2 more days .
I think most of us will be sad . I think.
Heard that Daniel Khong preached while i was not around. He's great :D
and i doubt he will be preaching tomorrow so am abit sad.
But still , there's Pastor Lawrence Khong and Pastor Cesar :D :D

Not as strong , but i know he's working in me .

One last day , awaiting my vision and a breakthrough .

Went to find long to talk to him :D

- really feel like i shouldn't slack anymore since its sec 4
- but i only completed a single chapter of chemistry.
- Jiayou . 2 more days .

Just remembered something

Last year G12 ... was better .

Then suddenly my heart told me .

Angel , it's your heart that changed . You are the one . Not the conference.

2010-03-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

Angel , it's time to let go .
What are you waiting for?
Bringing yourself so much pain for disliking / hating someone .
Unforgiveness just make you worst . You know and you are so stupid.

I want. But i feel like i can't .
G12. Bring a breakthrough .

2010-03-15T22:00:00.000-07:00

This emptiness once again appeared ,
how i wish i was still in encounter , now that i think back .
Laughing and having no worries at all . Remembering all those heartwarming images.
Having all those little talks and sharing in that room .
We'll be growing together . Post-encounter. SOLs .

Where am i now?
What am i going to do in the future? Totally clueless.

I think i have to re-read Joel Osteen's book again .
Its just amazing how this book can get my attention cause none other books can.

so happy that all of us might be going for post-encounter together ,
...............................

2010-03-15T20:52:00.000-07:00

Went to cityharvest with yongler , his tutor and qiuru yesterday.
and ate prata before going home.
I'm still pretty excited for G12 :D
except that i'm skipping it on friday .
God's love made it able and possible .
I did it :D

True acceptance comes from within .

2010-03-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

Encounter.
Well... I think i needed a stronger push . But at least i get to know a few things.
Had popcorns and donuts . Slept well . I think i grew fatter.
And i got to know few other friends .
:)
I saw lots of kinder surprise! :D But grew to be so expensive now.
Going to buy them for easter though .
Hahah . Had brownie and drinks at coffee bean along with Ronghui and Qiuru .
Had been great

Excited for G12 !

2010-03-11T06:58:00.001-08:00

LOVE OVERLOOKS ALL FAULTS.

2010-03-11T04:45:00.000-08:00

Faith comes when you believe in something you find hard to believe

Finally going to encounter camp after one long year .
I dont like camps , but i'm going to endure this one.
Hoping that Friday-Sunday would turn me back to the old me.

don't you realise that there are many sad faces around these days?

Having you as my pillar of strength is one of my greatest gift .
Forever giving everything you have for me and trying your best to make me happy.
Trusting me even after all these , thanks.

I love you .

we are all God's children .

Delirious?

2010-03-07T04:34:00.000-08:00

I miss cousins .
Especially to the super blur one LOH LIXUAN.
We got to just know each other during November 2008 and spent the rest of our 1 year together.
Haha , like say until very les . But we do all things together on Sunday , for lunch , to visit sticky , clarqe quay , orchard , esplanade , dhoby and etc etc. Take bus rides home and study together.
Went for G12 and got crazy together . Travelling to bt merah at night and be on stage cause of GDOP .
Haven't been going to service with u already . So if you passed by here , go for G12 .
YOU PROMISED . No delirious , but there's still God .

Jasminee and shuting .
Always a pair huh! remember like u both always go out together and me and lixuan will too.
without asking each other . But .......... when will be the time when we all go back to church on the same day together ?

cousins rock

2010-03-01T07:14:00.001-08:00

think waiting is most torturous .
worried but am going to enjoy while it last .

People do change , but memories don't .

Sometimes i feel like i've just get to known myself .
The me now is someone i don't even quite clearly know .
what should i do ?

2010-02-25T04:35:00.001-08:00

Life's great .
Teacher telling me i won't even get a c5 in higher mother tongue ,
and all saying me lazy which is true .

I just cant find any motivation .
Actually ....... those results doesn't matter to me at all .

I took two hours to learn how to look and pin down the pins .
wonder what's exactly wrong with me .

It seems like my life is only revolving around my idiot .

2010-02-15T07:48:00.001-08:00

aunt says .
You've forgotten what God did for you , you forgotten the blessings you gave.

' you can't take it . so you've decided to follow the world '

But it didn't make things better but worst . God ..

2010-02-13T08:05:00.001-08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR , AND HAPPY VALENTINE'S :D

GOD STILL CARES .

2010-02-12T18:21:00.000-08:00

On this day of your life, Angel, we believe God wants you to know ... that the weight you carry on your shoulders is much too heavy for one human being.
Give some of that weight where it belongs, - to God, and have faith that what happens is for the best, whether you understand it or not.

2010-02-11T06:32:00.001-08:00

Find myself pretty stupid for being sad over things that are not true.
i promise to be a better person
:D

2010-02-08T06:18:00.000-08:00

I know myself that i have the choice .
To be happy or not happy .
But i can't . Cause i lived in that . Struggling to get myself out. But there doesn't seem to be a door for me at all ...

2010-02-06T06:52:00.000-08:00

I went to the 19th page and saw the two most important emails.
and after reading them both .. my eyes got watery .
The best memories are kept in my heart .

Thanks jersey , thanks qiuru .
You'll always be a part of me .

2010-01-30T20:38:00.000-08:00

Things haven't been going well for me this week ,
Affected by many things .. can't concentrate etc .
waiting for answer from _____ , erasing memory , finding back things that are used to be.

2010-01-28T06:58:00.000-08:00

Miss Guides .

2010-01-25T01:55:00.000-08:00

Excited about tomorrow :D
Term tests will finally be over tomorrow ,
and going out with Shilili tomorrow .
Good! I want brownie .

tomorrow :D

2010-01-20T07:04:00.000-08:00

I once found peace in church .

This . Is my cell group leader . And that is the happy me when everything was going okay.
I could smile . Though things were going badly . And it was genuine one.
I used to have that pillar of strength .
I used to be able to confide in her.
I used to get the strength when i was tired.
I used to love though i thought i couldn't anymore.
Lastly , i used to feel hope.

Now . Things aren't going that bad.
But i rejected going to church .
I hate .
And hating makes me feel really tired.
I don't want to . Haven't been feeling it for so long .
I feel tired .
But i still move on " as usual "

Really looking forward for saturday . Hope it'll make me feel better .

2010-01-20T06:00:00.000-08:00

Pig's birthday on 17 January .
Be happy always .

(:

Went out with Kenneth and Yiying on saturday to Orchard ,
on sunday to Claudia's house.

Work hard for this whole year.
:D

I miss church . I don't know why .

2010-01-11T05:40:00.000-08:00

I don't know what should i say .
When mom told me what cousin said ,
suddenly disliked cell group . Am not going to go back . At least not in this period of time .

I didn't want to storm away
count the " no's " I've said .

2010-01-11T04:32:00.000-08:00

Move on .
Go all the way .
Don't stop here .

2010-01-08T07:11:00.001-08:00

Feels that there is a need to start learning how to be contented with whatever i have .

Wonders if i should start studying now .
Or just have a nice sleep .....
cause the whole week has been so tiring .

On the way back to school...I looked out of the bus window and it reminds me of all the bus rides i took alone in secondary 2 and 3 ..... I can just take the bus again and again , thinking about everything in my heart . Often , it makes me feel much better . But at times , i can't stop crying and feeling sad.

I want to go for a long bus ride . I want to think about where i want to be at .
I want to think about all these years . I want to think about the relationship and all the friendships.
I want to make up my mind .
And i want to know what i want to be when i grow up .

There are many regrets in my life . And i don't want to add on to them .
Promise myself that i'll be better .
:D

Quoted from Shili :
Magnifying all those small happy things .
:D

SHILI SAVES THE DAY .
hahahah

2010-01-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

STILL AT A HAPPY 2010 :D
hopes nothing goes wrong tomorrow
I hate school .

I think i only completed Half of English , E.maths , A.maths and the mindmaps .
If i got the mood today ... maybe i'll try to do ..... physics and chem tys?
D:
Holidays ended too fast .

LIBRARY WITH LYY LATER . HOPE TOMORROW 1.30 DISMISS ;D

2010-01-01T07:16:00.000-08:00

I HAVE A GREAT FEELING THAT 2010 WILL BE A

FANTASTIC YEAR .
I want it to be one of the best years :D

2009-12-31T22:03:00.001-08:00

HAPPY 2010 :D
Super happy at the countdown last night . Went to do homework with Lyy at library ,
went to meet boyfriend then after that went to meet Lixuan at bus interchange . Jasmine came and we took 855 all the way to vivo and ate at Superdogs . Happily talking and change of plans from vivo to Khatib . Went to bottle tree park for prawning ( failure ) and then to countdown at khatib
with Shuting and her friends . Everyone was damn high during the countdown!!!!!
Hahahahaha . Am damn happy :D
Finally 2009 ended . Well .

HAPPY 2010 . HOPE THIS YEAR WILL BE A GREAT YEAR .

2009-12-30T05:40:00.001-08:00

LOTS OF NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS FOR NEXT YEAR .
GOOD LUCK .

2009-12-28T22:33:00.000-08:00

why am i always looking for unhappiness when i can actually be happy ?

Maybe when i see them ... i can't forget what some of them do , some of them say .

No. I don't hate them or like dislike them .. just that the playbacks really make me feel like isolating myself from them .

One example is ..............

All my cell members are outside ..enjoying their lunch .

Then .. why am i in this room typing this kind of moody post ..

I think i just have to let it out .

I don't even understand why i'm trying to act like i don't care when i care so much

whats wrong with me .

But yet ... i don't understand why . In cell , i threw my temper etc etc.

I'm rarely like that outside .

But yet ... as i look at them .. no matter what i do, they'll still open the door and be so welcoming.

and at times like that. i felt guilty .

Cause i guess . I don't love them as much as i love my friends.

I don't worry for them as much as i worry for my friends.

I am not that willing to do things for them as compared to my friends.

This is a reminder... for myself .

To even change myself .

Damn .

But i can't help it to get reminded .

again ...

2009-12-27T07:19:00.000-08:00

damn it . don't know need to wait how long for this feeling to go away .
off and on moodswings .
off and on guilty feelings .
off and on feelings of fear.
why .

waiting and waiting . I think esther knows it best .
The feeling of constantly wondering how other people look as us think of us etc etc .
How i wish to be like some people .
Its okay .
Life has to move on , stop being so pessimistic .

2009-12-26T22:59:00.000-08:00

never care for someone too much .

2009-12-25T07:30:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 9.45 today and was so damn tired .
Tution from 10-12 , after that watched documentary " back from hell " that qiuru introduced.
Wanted to sleep cause i was damn sleepy . But in the end drank coffee and talked to mom instead.
Met Shili and passed her her christmas present ,
hahaha , SHE LOVES IT . Right?????
Went to novena ... followed by sticky then ........ bugis junction.
Alot alot alot alot alot of people .
Took 851 back to Yishun , home to take camera and went to meet Jersey .
Wanted to get the photos but .... only tomorrow can get .

:D byebye

2009-12-24T21:22:00.000-08:00

didn't know why would i give that kind of attitude in church .
first time in my whole life i have been so rude .

what a happy christmas eve .

Last year's one was so good .

and this year's .. speechless .

but anyway the beginning was great .

It just ended in a bad way .

2009-12-23T08:23:00.000-08:00

Don't know if i'm able to confide in anyone like before again .
Desperately trying to find someone who understands ..
Bugged by guilt these few nights , and this kind of feeling really sucks .

went out with yiying today and ling ling yesterday .
walking walking and walking . Just hoping that all these damn feelings will go away slowly
don't stop smiling .

2009-12-21T08:12:00.000-08:00

Just talked to My BFF .
Kind of understand a few things , thanks many .
so ya , now things are abit clearer but i'm still feeling abit down.
I'm sorry for thinking this way , i know you care , but still .
so ya , but now i somehow feel its my fault for feeling this way cause i know you've tried your best
<3

I'm going out with ling-a-ling tomorrow.
Long time since i went out with her (:
Clarke quay for sweets , orchard for shopping and of course for christmas presents ^^
so i'm kind of looking forward.

Have to wake up at 6.30 tomorrow though .
Yawns .

did i mention i love letters? They're words of acceptance and love.
did i mention i really hate feeling guilty?
and did i mention i'm feeling it now??
I'm really sorry .
damn , really hope someone can hear me out .

k . Byebye. Probably going to go through my history texts and have a good rest.

But in actual fact , i don't feel like sleeping at all .

its the 22 of December.
Let's see what homework i have completed .
1 comprehension?
All the meanings?
E.MATHS ,
A. MATHS ,
and what ? Lol

I think i confirm don't have the time to finish it.
Hope i'll wake up soon enough to realise that next year IS important.
What the hell is wrong with me?

so ... i kind of realised that some people are scary
BEWARE .

2009-12-20T06:55:00.000-08:00

SORRY AMANDA!
was supposed to go for cchy concert today ... and ..... i got the message wrong.
Friend sent me singapore concert hall and i see it as school
what a big difference and i don't even know how i interpret it .
Really . I know it sounds stupid and that i'm like acting or what , but i really really see wrongly.
whats wrong .

K ......... I just got back home .

and ronghui told me that the cell members are asking about me .
I'm remembered ! LOL . so okay , if anyone from my cell is reading this,
I'm going back on the 24th :D for stomp .
haha , and i realised there's iceskating.....followed by cell retreat .
Maybe i'm just not ready .

I saw jasmine and lixuan today and jasmine said i slim down!
ah , happy for awhile and then realised that im actually wearing a dark colour dress.
so no wonder i appear to be slimmer .

2009-12-18T18:35:00.000-08:00

SHILI ROCKS!

Went for braces yesterday , and i really really really hate braces now .
After braces , went to meet boyfriend and after that yiying to shop at bugis street .
Bought my Blazer and light denim top . I love it .
Going out with Amanda tomorrow !
For the concert too .

:D

so again ... I'm thinking about some redundant things again and its making me feel more and more terrible .

Just thinking . Why are some people just so self-centred?
Its okay to think of yourself first at times , but not always and ignoring how other people feel.
Don't they ever feel guilty ?

Don't judge . People will judge you too . Remember .

WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.

THIS IS FOR YOU .

ya ya ya . I don't deny that i'm sometimes self-centred too , i don't deny that i judge people too.
but at least i'm so much better than last time .

You will regret .
cause the same thing will happen to you next time if you don't change .

2009-12-15T01:44:00.000-08:00

HI CLAUDIA , " WE DID THAT ON PURPOSE "

2009-12-13T03:55:00.000-08:00

I went out with Shili today :D Haha , my ex-boyfriend!
See , we still never drift leh :D
Haha , damn tired from all the walking ,
went to Kfc for lunch and went to Orchard , went to Fareast to get my shoe , and walked around to find the long leather jacket i want , but never see any jacket that i really like ,
so went to heeren to buy accessories ,
Shili bought many clips and rubberband , and i bought 2 clips , 1 hairband and something else.
Regret not buying another clip .
Shili is happy .
Went down to clarke quay to buy sweets .
Haha , i didn't buy any this time round . Cause ate too much in the past.
That shili ah , keep saying HI , laughing and her new famous sentence
" YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND "

so ya , we took the train home , and i'm happy :D
Shili makes people happy .

I love my boyfriend and my exboyfriend ( shilili )

2009-11-27T06:47:00.001-08:00

Sec 4 . I think i'm going to hate it like mad .

2009-11-26T06:26:00.000-08:00

On this day of life , God wants you to know ...
that there is no such thing as conditional love. Love is either unconditional or it's no love. You might like someone conditional on their personality or behavior or circumstances. But love accepts no boundaries. So never say 'I love you because', for love has no cause, love comes from God.

This inspired me alot .
Give , not take . Give not with a condition .
I will live by this . This rocks .
And true enough , love does not comes with condition
and this love is what that is important , and with this love, you will never feel underappreciated

even if im not a christian anymore,
i will still go to church , because.................. christainity is enlightening .

2009-11-25T20:11:00.001-08:00

Audition is fun .
Lol , we're like retardeds in chambers .

But its so much fun :D

2009-11-23T04:54:00.001-08:00

Thank you yiying .
Thank you Jersey .

2009-11-22T22:57:00.000-08:00

Keep on thinking . If i should post or not . But i think i should.
Cause since i no longer tell people how i feel . Then let this blog tell
Must be some crap to people . But i don't care anymore.

Finally understand why he said to her .. that
' Promises are meant to be broken '

So many people are doing it , so many people . And of course ....... he mixed in with those people.
Stupid guy , who gave up 3 years of relationship .
Loser.

No one understands how am i feeling right now .
How about you you you and you who've made those promises.
Isit cause i've broken mine , to be there for you ?
Or isit that those promises meant nothing to you all .
Especially you ?

Isit like what my sister said ,
That between relationship and friendship , you can never have a balance?

Fine . I'm being damn unreasonable . I don't care anymore .
Why should i be .................................................
Why should i try so hard .......................................

Pastor said that God often drive us to a corner so we would turn to him .
I can't help it to say saddistic out loud .
I don't even believe in him anymore .
I don't understand what kept me on and on for church .
Maybe its cause of all the sermons speaking to me ?
But in actual fact , i've no feeling at all ?
Maybe it's because yongler said he could always see God with me?
Is he really with me ? Is he , then why when he see me in this state , he can't return them to me?????

When would this close friend of mine and me be back to normal ?
I didn't expect that . I don't know why i'm pretending that i'm alright .
Maybe cause i don't want this friendship to be worse ?
Or maybe i even gave it up ?
or maybe i'm just stupid ?????????????
I hoped you told me straight . That cause he's not going . Thats why that thing was cancelled.
It sucks to hear one thing from you and another different thing from another person which is from you too .

I hate to see people around me feeling sad , esp her .
i keep feeling that my bestfriend is unhappy , but i don't know what to do .
I haven't been participating in her life actively .
Anyone there understands , the feeling of finally founding a friend who shared your thoughts with you , a friend whom you thought you could last forever with and then realise ..
you and her are no longer that close anymore?
Then how about our promise to even live together when we grow up ,
.....

Or the feeling of being accused and losing the chance of making friends ?

I don't deny that ,

I just don't know how to be contented .

2009-11-20T06:55:00.000-08:00

Finally had the chance to talk to my childhood friend ,
sorry if i reminded you about the damn him .
and i know you will be protective over him still . I really hope things go for a change.
I know how dam badly it hurts .
You can always find me if you want to let it out .
Remember last year when we stayed up so late to make notes , singing to miley cyrus " 7 things"
so weirdly , and having so much fun last year
;D
We'll shall have more fun together next time .
I know you're strong , stay strong .
:D

Claudia , Yiying :D
I went with the two of them to Prata house .
Got so much reminded of last year when i was with them .
I hope more of this will come , love you two :D

Haha , i'm dying to go out with tes too .
Though we're pretty much like separated , though i don't really understand you two anymore,
I don't deny its my fault . I've let go first , and i've got to make the move first .

2009-11-19T04:51:00.001-08:00

Damn .
You didn't ask me , and you accused me .
Stop saying that i lied to you cause i didn't .

Its 3 years of friendship , and its one that's special .
I've never quarrelled so much with a friend like you , and still be so close together once we've said things out . Its strange how we become strangers the next moment .

Please .
Get your facts right .

2009-11-14T01:19:00.000-08:00

Damn .
Some kind of sentences without proper thinking can kill .
Even if people didn't mean it .
still . I'm sorry .

Wondering if i should go church later on , then cell on sunday .
Will be so damn tiring . I feel like studying.

2009-11-10T03:52:00.001-08:00

Selfishness .
Kind of feel so disappointed with myself , now i don't even know who should i talk to when i'm feeling down .
Cause i'm afraid of getting hurt , i chose to stay away .
the fact is no one is hurting me , its my thoughts and myself .

People tend to be forgetful .

I miss you all .
I looked back , i realised how happy i was with your , i ought to be contented .
But i didn't . I realised everyone around me sort of have a bad year .
Sometimes i look at you all , i wonder if you all are really happy .
Maybe i'm just too sensitive in a bad way .
I love you guys . I'm sorry for being such a disappointment.
But nevertheless , there's still hope.

and lastly , i love you .

2009-11-01T01:50:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was super :D
Went to school for chinese remedial , was late but still , haha didn't get scolded.
After remedial , Jiahui called me :D I was damn excited
Hahah . I think i do miss her la . Meeting her for dinner later . Yay!
Went for lunch with Sarah and Weifun and bused home .
Came out again to met Guru and went to woodlands .
Claudia and I went playing hide-and-seek . Haha , damn retarded but so fun :D
Lester's mom was so nice to him lor.
Hahah . His mom said : " Like computer so much , might as well take the whole cake put infront of the computer , let it sing birthday song for you " Lol .
Yongler , Jonathan , Claudia , Lester , Zhengquan and Me played WII and had lots of fun at the Rabbit game! Steamboat was nice. And i think Blackie's cute.
I found alot of things to be thankful over.
Its like the good old times are back :D

Holidays faster come :D . Im damn excited .

We forced Lester to study! YAY hahah.

2009-10-22T05:19:00.000-07:00

Maybe this is just a bad year .
Anyway , this year is going to end and the next is coming .
Maybe i just did the wrong things this year , maybe i just failed as a friend .
But well , i did not do anything that betray my conscience,
Keep telling myself that .
Kind of pissed off by myself that i'm still caring about how people think of me.
Damn , its irritating me and making me feel damn miserable everyday.

2009-10-19T05:14:00.000-07:00

Yongler's always asking me to let go .
I know why now . Everything happen for a purpose.
I know i've grown stronger. I know i've grown better. I know i've won .

2009-10-16T19:59:00.000-07:00

Had such a crazy time with Jersey yesterday .
Ghost in our bodies ? Jersey keep saying i'm not me and i'm possessed . She then possessed . Want to break my middle finger. Hahaha .
Angel won't anyhow scold fucker one!!
During guides had firelighting , one of my favourite activities in guides .
During debrief , they said sec 3s do not have to go for eoy camp .
But don't know why , the usual finding excuses to not go me wanted to go .
Deep . I miss camp , cause its the last time with them ..
nevermind , we can go out and have a great outing while they are camping in school ,
Last week ate eighteen chefs with Amanda and Lala .

I have nothing to say , i made things this way .
Its strange how we could become like strangers .
Sorry , my friend. I miss all those times ..
tes .

Went to swimming with Ziwei just now , but i didn't get darker .
I really want to go swimming now . Like when all the thoughts invade my mind .
I think I will read the bible before i sleep . I need some kind of peace.
No doubt all the thoughts are making me feel so damn terrible .
I brought all this upon myself .
Nevertheless , today was a great day when i think of dunkin donuts with yiying at ION .